Most of us do not decide to put up with things. We get used to them. The meeting that should have been an email. The project nobody owns. The comment you let slide. The workload that was “just for this quarter” six quarters ago.
Each one is small. Together they become a low-grade drag on your energy, and they quietly shape what you believe is possible in your role. The good news is that you do not need a big plan to start. You need one honest list and one small action this week.
Step 1: Name what you are tolerating
Set a timer for ten minutes and finish this sentence as many times as you can: “I put up with…” Do not try to solve anything yet. Aim for five to ten items. Common ones include:
- Priorities that change every week without explanation
- A role that has grown well beyond your title
- Feedback that only shows up at review time
- Being the default note-taker, scheduler, or fixer
- Covering a gap on the team so often that it has become your job
Step 2: Sort each one
Not everything on your list is the same kind of problem. Put each item into one of four groups:
- Fix it. It is within your control, and you can change it yourself.
- Ask for it. It needs a decision or a yes from someone else.
- Accept it on purpose. There is a real tradeoff, and you are choosing it with your eyes open.
- Leave it. It is a pattern that has not changed and probably will not.
Accepting something on purpose is different from tolerating it. Tolerating is passive. Accepting is a decision you can explain and revisit.
Step 3: Pick one
Choose the item that is small enough to move this week and big enough that you would notice the difference. Resist the urge to tackle the hardest one first. Momentum matters more than size.
Step 4: Take a 20-minute action this week
What you do depends on the group you chose:
- Fix it: block 20 minutes, write down the change you will make, and tell one person by Friday.
- Ask for it: write your request in one sentence and send it today.
- Accept it on purpose: write one line, “I am accepting this because ___, and I will revisit it on ___.”
- Leave it: start gathering information. Set up one conversation with someone doing work you would rather be doing.
If your item needs a conversation, here is a script you can use word for word or make your own:
I have noticed that [the situation] has been taking a lot of my time and energy, and I think we could get better results if [the change]. Could we find 20 minutes this week to talk about it?
Close the loop on Friday
Put five minutes on your calendar for the end of the week and answer three questions: Did I do the thing? What happened? What is the next small step? That is how a one-time effort turns into a habit.
You do not have to fix everything you are tolerating. Moving one thing is enough to change which direction you are facing, and that is usually where moving forward starts.
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